would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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