I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
