youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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