Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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