Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
