In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
