I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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