I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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