I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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