I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
