My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
