dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
