he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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