the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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