I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't deserve a penis
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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