youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
