Got a toothbrush?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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