she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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