i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
