Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
