I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
