This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
