dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
