Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
