I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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