You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
