Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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