This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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