It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
