Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
