take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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