Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it's like iHOP with fire
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
