I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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