remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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