After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
