Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
