I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
