Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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