Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love