she looked like the before picture.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
