i think my mom watched the whole time
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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