In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
