you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
