Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
