Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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