in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
