I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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