I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
