every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
