I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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