not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
