her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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