If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I puked a lego.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
