I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
