But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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