I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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