I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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