hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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