i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
