just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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