I just pynch a tree in the face
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
